Gets worse as the crisis deepens. This one is resonating around the world. Oh dear. I see that Mumbai had troubles and that the Tokyo market is unhappy. I understate things don't I?

Countries like the UAE were a new hope, showing how oil wealth could be turned into fast-track modernisation. Suddenly everyone wanted a frond-house on The Palm. Or they said they did.



Now things are not looking so good.

The Winter Palace

Most people know more as they get older:
I give all that the cold shoulder.
I spent my second quarter-century
Losing what I had learnt at university
And refusing to take in what had happened since.
Now I know none of the names in the public prints,
And am starting to give offence by forgetting faces
And swearing I’ve never been in certain places.
It will be worth it, if in the end I manage
To blank out whatever it is that is doing the damage.
Then there will be nothing I know
My mind will fold into itself, like fields, like snow.

There we are in the afternoon. It was raining and we crossed Trafalgar Square (if it is crossable) and went in for some crowded Starbuckery. I saw that Jess recognised someone else in there but was not going to actually make contact beyond a wave.

Who is that?

Robin. He’s a calculating soul.

Now apart from that being something strange to say, I have now imagined the whole career of a band called The Calculating Souls. Can you see it? Internet sensation, they were the great might have beens. What ruined them? Drink, drugs, having a major release at the same time as an X-Factor runner-up and – of course – the Gordon Brown incident.

Oh well. That will never happen. I did however find out that Robin is Mr. Major Manipulator of any group activity. We should compare notes one day. I could learn from a master.

'... and bring me some fo that nice lavender soap when you come home'.  Thanks mum.  What lavendar soap?  I have never in my life bought you lavender soap.  You have another daughter do you?  It wasn't me!

People try to make demands of you, don't they?  Thsi is a very minor one, but I hve no idea where she is coming from.

Better find some soap anyway.  It is bound to be the wrong stuff.

It was the ultimate chance meeting.

I am walking near Marble Arch.  Head down as I am thinking and not really looking where I am going.  See feet in front of me.  Stop.

Look up and what a guy!  Perfect.  I can tell he is Slav – the bones etc and the soul in him.

I look at him.  He looks at me. He is trying to say something.  I am trying to say something but am waiting for him.  Still he does not speak.

This is starting to get embarrassing.

Then he gets out a piece of paper.  It is a map from Google.  On it are marked A and B with a line drawn between them.  Both are east of Covent Garden and he is not on the map.

So he says in bad and slow English that he needs to get to ‘this street’ – A.  And I try to tell him how to and that he is not on the map.  I point to where he is, which is in the air off to the left of his map.  He laughs.  I laugh. He sounds Polish.

Then he looks a bit to shy and moves on in more or less the right direction.  I look on and wonder if I should offer to take him there, but I don’t.
 

There are days when things drift a little.  Yes it does happen, even with a control freak like me.  Not a depression more a fog.  It lifts and the world and this life is awesome.  So that is good.

What I hate being in is a passive state – at least when I have not chosen it - and when that happens  solitude is not a good idea.  Anyway, I think that I am happy, and it's all small stuff that bothers me.  Or mega world issues.



This image is from a small shoot that I think turned out well. I am keeping a little of the mysterious air, but fear there is some blankness inside.


 

Three years?  Yes look back in the archive.  It is now three years and a few days since I started this LJ.  How time flies.  Back then I was on a year out wasn’t I?  Gapgirl.  Now three years on I am so well into the degree that I can see the end coming.  Exciting and also a bit daunting.

Will I go on with it? Probably but I may post here a little less often. I do seem to have plenty of other sites going and real life does keep me offline.

Like it should.

1. I was attracted to the person
2. I wanted to experience the physical pleasure
3. It feels good
4. I wanted to show my affection to the person
5. I wanted to express my love for the person
6. I was sexually aroused and wanted the release
7. I was ‘‘horny
8. Its fun
9. I realized I was in love
10. I was ‘‘in the heat of the moment
11. I wanted to please my partner
12. I desired emotional closeness (i.e., intimacy)
13. I wanted the pure pleasure
14. I wanted to achieve an orgasm
15. Its exciting, adventurous
16. I wanted to feel connected to the person
17. The persons physical appearance turned me on
18. It was a romantic setting
19. The person really desired me
20. The person made me feel sexy
21. The person caressed me
22. It seemed like the natural next step in my relationship
23. I wanted to become one with another person
24. It just happened
25. I wanted to increase the emotional bond by having sex
26. I wanted the experience
27. I wanted the adventure/excitement
28. The person had an attractive face
29. The person was a good kisser
30. I wanted to intensify my relationship

From Why Humans Have Sex by Cindy M. Meston & David M. Buss